Moving

I'm not a regular blogger. I fear, without even realizing it, that I will do it "wrong". Seriously, wtf? That sort of attitude annoys me more than makes me sad.

I had a terrific acupuncture appointment yesterday. Productive in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sense. After my acup needled me, she left the room, closed the door, and I instantly started crying. Not sobbing, but a very active weep. Within that weep, I entered some level of self forgiveness, self acceptance, and self evaluation. I NEED to do something. I NEED to make things happen. I have an idea as to what these things are, but I still need to swirl in them before sharing. The moment passed quickly-I mean, really quickly. I almost wanted to go BACK to it for longer, but I think that's all I needed for now. I think it's all I could handle. Like seeing Mary on toast. It was enough.
I have been carrying some boxes that need to be looked through.

After she returned, removed the needles, and had me turn over, we chatted while she did some cupping along my spine. There's nothing like the visual and actual energetic feel of removing something stagnate. I was able to take deep, healthy breaths again, but they were also new breaths. It's always new, isn't it?

My acupuncturist and I are good friends. We get into really great discussions about connections, and the terror, and sometimes, necessity of being disconnected. It's important to me, but not heavy. I never feel heavy when I leave there. I feel comforted and grounded, empowered, but not the hyper kind that fades shortly after. Something was moved, and I need to nourish that.

Surgery and my big plans while on Valium

I will be having an outpatient procedure tomorrow to "take care" of a varicose vein. The procedure begins with an "a", but I can't remember what it is. What I DO know is that they will be sticking a catheter into my vein below the varicose vein on my calf, and working their way up to the malfunctioning valve in my upper, inner thigh (pretty damn close to the groin), and, with a laser, burning the vein shut. I've had this v.v. for about 10 years, but it has grown significantly bigger in the past two years, and, in the past six months, has started to throb and itch when I work out. It IS unsightly, but I would have dealt with it (worn pants) had it not started to hurt. I had an ultrasound done and they discovered that it's a Malfunctioner. So. Tomorrow, 12:30pm, please pray that the Valium does enough so that I don't feel ANY of it. I have no need for the experience.
It actually sounds pretty simple and noninvasive. I will be out of it for the rest of the day, and have been advised to not work out for week-2 weeks. Oh! The best part? The SEXIEST part? I get to wear a (singular) thigh high compression sock on that leg for a week. I hope to be offered "black" as a color choice, and not just white or flesh. I also hope that it doesn't smell if I wear it two days in a row, because I don't want to buy more than one (or would they come in a pack since most people have two legs??). Yes, so I'm more concerned with fresh-smelling fashion than I am with the possible risks involved in having a laser in my contorted vein. I see this as progressive thinking.

The clinic where I will be gifted with this surgery has called a couple times to confirm insurance information and appointment time. After yesterday's call, I believe I will be known as the girl who wants as much valium as she can get without dying. Really, I don't want to feel ANY of this, and I've made it very clear that I have anxiety over the possibility. I can't help but envision my vein being probed...it's not a hollow noodle...and...I've never probed a hollow noodle. Look at how ridiculous I've become!?!

I do have some big plans for my days off (half of Friday and Sat-Sun). I have Factory Girl on DVD, and some other Netflix movies coming. I don't remember the last time I let myself watch more than one movie in a day, and I think it might be fun. I hope the valium doesn't make me barf, especially on my compression sock. That would ruin my whole weekend.