I am no longer going to feel guilty for being "unproductive". Here is my self psychoanalysis; I grew up on a farm, and if we weren't working when my dad was working, he would make you feel like you SHOULD be working. GUILT. Today, my friends, I am letting go of that guilt. I know I am, in most cases, a productive person. I get my shit DONE, and I work hard-most of the time.
Here are some of the things I used to (used to, as in minutes ago) view as unproductive:
-I can watch movie trailers for many, many minutes. I think I've even reached an hour in the past. It calms me. It's noncommittal. I like to think ahead, and, I guess, this is part of planning ahead.
-Making a list, and then re-making it. At least I'm thinking about what needs to happen and prioritizing.
-Stretching. Can you believe this one??? More than once I've felt like taking too much time to stretch is wasteful of my time. Gawd! I'm annoyed by this one.
-Making tea. Cutting fruit. Organizing the refrigerator. These are all things that calm me.
-Reading, especially while drinking tea.
Yes, becoming aware of some of these makes me feel sad. I have, in the past, felt irritated when my mom expressed guilt over not feeling like she could relax when my dad was busy working. I have even told her, "You do PLENTY. You deserve to have your tea and not feel lazy!" But I GET it! I'm letting (will work on letting) these go. I am no longer on the farm. And I really enjoy watching movie trailers. So, my friends, grab a cup of tea and check out Were the World Mine!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Moving
I'm not a regular blogger. I fear, without even realizing it, that I will do it "wrong". Seriously, wtf? That sort of attitude annoys me more than makes me sad.
I had a terrific acupuncture appointment yesterday. Productive in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sense. After my acup needled me, she left the room, closed the door, and I instantly started crying. Not sobbing, but a very active weep. Within that weep, I entered some level of self forgiveness, self acceptance, and self evaluation. I NEED to do something. I NEED to make things happen. I have an idea as to what these things are, but I still need to swirl in them before sharing. The moment passed quickly-I mean, really quickly. I almost wanted to go BACK to it for longer, but I think that's all I needed for now. I think it's all I could handle. Like seeing Mary on toast. It was enough.
I have been carrying some boxes that need to be looked through.
After she returned, removed the needles, and had me turn over, we chatted while she did some cupping along my spine. There's nothing like the visual and actual energetic feel of removing something stagnate. I was able to take deep, healthy breaths again, but they were also new breaths. It's always new, isn't it?
My acupuncturist and I are good friends. We get into really great discussions about connections, and the terror, and sometimes, necessity of being disconnected. It's important to me, but not heavy. I never feel heavy when I leave there. I feel comforted and grounded, empowered, but not the hyper kind that fades shortly after. Something was moved, and I need to nourish that.
I had a terrific acupuncture appointment yesterday. Productive in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sense. After my acup needled me, she left the room, closed the door, and I instantly started crying. Not sobbing, but a very active weep. Within that weep, I entered some level of self forgiveness, self acceptance, and self evaluation. I NEED to do something. I NEED to make things happen. I have an idea as to what these things are, but I still need to swirl in them before sharing. The moment passed quickly-I mean, really quickly. I almost wanted to go BACK to it for longer, but I think that's all I needed for now. I think it's all I could handle. Like seeing Mary on toast. It was enough.
I have been carrying some boxes that need to be looked through.
After she returned, removed the needles, and had me turn over, we chatted while she did some cupping along my spine. There's nothing like the visual and actual energetic feel of removing something stagnate. I was able to take deep, healthy breaths again, but they were also new breaths. It's always new, isn't it?
My acupuncturist and I are good friends. We get into really great discussions about connections, and the terror, and sometimes, necessity of being disconnected. It's important to me, but not heavy. I never feel heavy when I leave there. I feel comforted and grounded, empowered, but not the hyper kind that fades shortly after. Something was moved, and I need to nourish that.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Surgery and my big plans while on Valium
I will be having an outpatient procedure tomorrow to "take care" of a varicose vein. The procedure begins with an "a", but I can't remember what it is. What I DO know is that they will be sticking a catheter into my vein below the varicose vein on my calf, and working their way up to the malfunctioning valve in my upper, inner thigh (pretty damn close to the groin), and, with a laser, burning the vein shut. I've had this v.v. for about 10 years, but it has grown significantly bigger in the past two years, and, in the past six months, has started to throb and itch when I work out. It IS unsightly, but I would have dealt with it (worn pants) had it not started to hurt. I had an ultrasound done and they discovered that it's a Malfunctioner. So. Tomorrow, 12:30pm, please pray that the Valium does enough so that I don't feel ANY of it. I have no need for the experience.
It actually sounds pretty simple and noninvasive. I will be out of it for the rest of the day, and have been advised to not work out for week-2 weeks. Oh! The best part? The SEXIEST part? I get to wear a (singular) thigh high compression sock on that leg for a week. I hope to be offered "black" as a color choice, and not just white or flesh. I also hope that it doesn't smell if I wear it two days in a row, because I don't want to buy more than one (or would they come in a pack since most people have two legs??). Yes, so I'm more concerned with fresh-smelling fashion than I am with the possible risks involved in having a laser in my contorted vein. I see this as progressive thinking.
The clinic where I will be gifted with this surgery has called a couple times to confirm insurance information and appointment time. After yesterday's call, I believe I will be known as the girl who wants as much valium as she can get without dying. Really, I don't want to feel ANY of this, and I've made it very clear that I have anxiety over the possibility. I can't help but envision my vein being probed...it's not a hollow noodle...and...I've never probed a hollow noodle. Look at how ridiculous I've become!?!
I do have some big plans for my days off (half of Friday and Sat-Sun). I have Factory Girl on DVD, and some other Netflix movies coming. I don't remember the last time I let myself watch more than one movie in a day, and I think it might be fun. I hope the valium doesn't make me barf, especially on my compression sock. That would ruin my whole weekend.
It actually sounds pretty simple and noninvasive. I will be out of it for the rest of the day, and have been advised to not work out for week-2 weeks. Oh! The best part? The SEXIEST part? I get to wear a (singular) thigh high compression sock on that leg for a week. I hope to be offered "black" as a color choice, and not just white or flesh. I also hope that it doesn't smell if I wear it two days in a row, because I don't want to buy more than one (or would they come in a pack since most people have two legs??). Yes, so I'm more concerned with fresh-smelling fashion than I am with the possible risks involved in having a laser in my contorted vein. I see this as progressive thinking.
The clinic where I will be gifted with this surgery has called a couple times to confirm insurance information and appointment time. After yesterday's call, I believe I will be known as the girl who wants as much valium as she can get without dying. Really, I don't want to feel ANY of this, and I've made it very clear that I have anxiety over the possibility. I can't help but envision my vein being probed...it's not a hollow noodle...and...I've never probed a hollow noodle. Look at how ridiculous I've become!?!
I do have some big plans for my days off (half of Friday and Sat-Sun). I have Factory Girl on DVD, and some other Netflix movies coming. I don't remember the last time I let myself watch more than one movie in a day, and I think it might be fun. I hope the valium doesn't make me barf, especially on my compression sock. That would ruin my whole weekend.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Spleen Qi Tonic
I feel confident (hopeful) that the tonic I purchased last night will help with this stomach thingy.
Why I like the Eastern approach to medicine:
-it just makes sense to talk about the whole person
-energy, energy, energy...what is it doing? Very interesting.
-I feel safe with it
-my acupuncturist is amazing
-I feel more responsible for myself and my health, and sometimes you need some extra confidence to feel that way
This Dash List seems very deviant for me, but it is Saturday.
I'm going out dancing this evening with some beautiful friends-good energy all around.
Why I like the Eastern approach to medicine:
-it just makes sense to talk about the whole person
-energy, energy, energy...what is it doing? Very interesting.
-I feel safe with it
-my acupuncturist is amazing
-I feel more responsible for myself and my health, and sometimes you need some extra confidence to feel that way
This Dash List seems very deviant for me, but it is Saturday.
I'm going out dancing this evening with some beautiful friends-good energy all around.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Stomach
No matter what I eat; carrots, a brownie, fish...moments later my stomach will swell. It actually looks like I'm pregnant. It's not gas, it doesn't hurt, it's just freaky. This is so annoying.
I have a few friends who have digestive issues, and I have always felt for them, but I guess this brings things to a new level of empathy.
I'm thinking back and I believe I've dealt with this-on and off-for many years...geez??? It's been particularly bad the past couple weeks.
Yeah, I need my acupuncturist and see what she thinks. I'd love to just deflate. I suppose I need to think about my ovaries, too...hmmm...
So, there it is.
I have a few friends who have digestive issues, and I have always felt for them, but I guess this brings things to a new level of empathy.
I'm thinking back and I believe I've dealt with this-on and off-for many years...geez??? It's been particularly bad the past couple weeks.
Yeah, I need my acupuncturist and see what she thinks. I'd love to just deflate. I suppose I need to think about my ovaries, too...hmmm...
So, there it is.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I'm a proofreader for c.sakes
"falls from the past"...or..does "past fall's" work? Do I need the "'s"?
"it's A job"
Gawd.
I went to the park, by myself, for lunch today and it was wonderful. The air was crisp, the sun high, and I felt at ease. It is all about the breath.
Work is busy and I've heard people swearing frequently. I am trying to not curse so much, unless I am certain it won't come across as trashy. I had a co-worker offer me a brownie the other day and her "reason" for baking was "I had the mix, I had the eggs, so I decided to just make the shit"... Oh, mmm, yum.
"it's A job"
Gawd.
I went to the park, by myself, for lunch today and it was wonderful. The air was crisp, the sun high, and I felt at ease. It is all about the breath.
Work is busy and I've heard people swearing frequently. I am trying to not curse so much, unless I am certain it won't come across as trashy. I had a co-worker offer me a brownie the other day and her "reason" for baking was "I had the mix, I had the eggs, so I decided to just make the shit"... Oh, mmm, yum.
Here's a few things
It's a new day and I'm eating oatmeal with peanut butter and banana. My green tea is hot and comforting. Quality sleep is not guaranteed for me when I'm menstruating, so I'm trying to connect with this morning, this day, this oatmeal.
My busy time at work is starting much sooner than past fall's. In fact, it used to hold off until December-January. I'm taking it as it comes...it's job, it pays the bills, and I could use some overtime money.
I've recently decided that...
...I need to get my workout in before work, and I NEED to sweat
...I will use my new library card
...the use of double negatives does not mean someone is uneducated
...the use of double negatives will always hurt my ears
...I think I've been consuming too much sugar
...sleep is more important to me than sex during the work week
My busy time at work is starting much sooner than past fall's. In fact, it used to hold off until December-January. I'm taking it as it comes...it's job, it pays the bills, and I could use some overtime money.
I've recently decided that...
...I need to get my workout in before work, and I NEED to sweat
...I will use my new library card
...the use of double negatives does not mean someone is uneducated
...the use of double negatives will always hurt my ears
...I think I've been consuming too much sugar
...sleep is more important to me than sex during the work week
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I care very much what people think
I do. I must. If I didn't care, then why would I feel so guilty about not using the sewing machine my mother-in-law gave me three Christmases ago? I don't sew, so, why would I use it?
Sewing machines are very cool, btw, but I just do not want to take the time (or my small reserve of self patience) to learn how to use it. Perhaps, someday, when I'm a mother, I'll have more time (riiiiight).
I was sitting upon the toilet this morning, and, besides the obvious wave of expected relief, I felt another wave. A you-are-doing-just-fine wave. I'm not sure what exactly has been going on in my body/mind/soul this month, but August has been really heavy for me. I had a could-I-be-pregnant scare, conflicting discussions with my life mate on how to handle it (had I truly been pregnant), my cycle went all to f*ck, I was crying on and off for two weeks straight (one time the trigger was a rippin' annoying Rod Stewart song), and I had a friend's wife call me in the early morning hours to question my fidelity and, basically, call me a slut. All of this made me question my role as a woman, a woman friend, a wife, a sister, and a feminist. My body has been changing, and I don't know why or when it started to happen. It has been feeling things differently. I need to accept this gift from Mother Earth, or else. I will go crazy if I don't, and I feel like I've already had a touch of that recently, and it didn't feel good.
LIST TIME!!!
I will try to:
pat myself on the head daily
regularly make a list of things I've done in a day, not the things I need to do
find time for yoga, and, if I truly enjoy it, give more time for it
appreciate my legs for being strong, not flabby
defend myself if falsely accused-in a classy, memorable (blog worthy)way
That's enough for now. Yes, I will add "know when i've done enough before doing too much" to the list.
Sewing machines are very cool, btw, but I just do not want to take the time (or my small reserve of self patience) to learn how to use it. Perhaps, someday, when I'm a mother, I'll have more time (riiiiight).
I was sitting upon the toilet this morning, and, besides the obvious wave of expected relief, I felt another wave. A you-are-doing-just-fine wave. I'm not sure what exactly has been going on in my body/mind/soul this month, but August has been really heavy for me. I had a could-I-be-pregnant scare, conflicting discussions with my life mate on how to handle it (had I truly been pregnant), my cycle went all to f*ck, I was crying on and off for two weeks straight (one time the trigger was a rippin' annoying Rod Stewart song), and I had a friend's wife call me in the early morning hours to question my fidelity and, basically, call me a slut. All of this made me question my role as a woman, a woman friend, a wife, a sister, and a feminist. My body has been changing, and I don't know why or when it started to happen. It has been feeling things differently. I need to accept this gift from Mother Earth, or else. I will go crazy if I don't, and I feel like I've already had a touch of that recently, and it didn't feel good.
LIST TIME!!!
I will try to:
pat myself on the head daily
regularly make a list of things I've done in a day, not the things I need to do
find time for yoga, and, if I truly enjoy it, give more time for it
appreciate my legs for being strong, not flabby
defend myself if falsely accused-in a classy, memorable (blog worthy)way
That's enough for now. Yes, I will add "know when i've done enough before doing too much" to the list.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
New and Old Things I've Recently Enjoyed
(Woohoo-look at me, look at me! Posting AGAIN in August!)
-Adele (pronounced "A Doll") I like her sound and she's cute as a button.
-The thought of eating a corn dog, but not actually doing so.
-York Peppermint Patties
-smoothies (bananas, raspberries, OJ, ice, and vanilla yogurt)
-Pineapple Express. The movie. But if anyone can get their hands on the variety, I'd be game.
-Not wearing underwear.
-Biking.
-The smell of a conference room after many different people have been in it-the mix of fragrances has been invigorating.
-Wearing dresses and bike shorts.
-Planning cleaning projects for my home.
-BUST magazine. Always and Forever.
Um, I know I'm deviating from my Dash List, but I was most flattered this weekend when a young woman told me that I look like Regina Spektor. F*cking THANK YOU!
-Adele (pronounced "A Doll") I like her sound and she's cute as a button.
-The thought of eating a corn dog, but not actually doing so.
-York Peppermint Patties
-smoothies (bananas, raspberries, OJ, ice, and vanilla yogurt)
-Pineapple Express. The movie. But if anyone can get their hands on the variety, I'd be game.
-Not wearing underwear.
-Biking.
-The smell of a conference room after many different people have been in it-the mix of fragrances has been invigorating.
-Wearing dresses and bike shorts.
-Planning cleaning projects for my home.
-BUST magazine. Always and Forever.
Um, I know I'm deviating from my Dash List, but I was most flattered this weekend when a young woman told me that I look like Regina Spektor. F*cking THANK YOU!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Health
I am a fairly-very healthy individual, in my opinion. I had to go into work late today because I was feeling Not Healthy. It wasn't anything serious or dramatic, but it reminded me how lucky I am. I have been slacking lately; not enough sleep, straying from my workouts, and even skipping an acupuncture appointment that was needed. Why? I don't know.
Anyways, I need to get back on track. I'm being kind to myself this evening and having an easy "movement" workout, and I'm putting myself in bed by 9pm AT THE LATEST.
Yes, today was weird for me. The heavy, achy feeling started last night, and this morning I felt drugged. There was no way I was going to make it to work on time. I fell back asleep and entered Weird Dream Territory...it was a feverish two hours. It was also somewhat erotic-in that scary, confusing way. Yeah. I'm complicated. Ok, but really, the irrational what-if-I'm-pregnant thoughts started to enter my mind. Not because i had any real symptoms, but because I felt so different emotionally. Fairly-very healthy people DO that when they don't feel perfectly fair/very. It's annoying. My boobs hurt and I wanted to cry often, but other than that...I SHOULDN'T be pregnant.
So, I did what any normal gal would do...I stopped at good ole CVS before heading to work and then took a pregnancy test in my company's bathroom. One erect line says NO! I then wrapped so much toilet paper around the used sigh-of-relief (I laughed a little, too, which is probably what made another female scurry so quickly) I almost couldn't fit it into the feminine box. I did though, and I'm grateful that my "box" is still just mine for the time being. Someday I will allow that massive change, but not now.
SO, this leads me to wanting to make a list. I love lists, especially dashed or bullet pointed lists. The list will be "To Do B4..." the B4 is in reference to before baby and a shout out to texting. I will have the following categories; Home, Body, Career.
I will get on that later.
Anyways, I need to get back on track. I'm being kind to myself this evening and having an easy "movement" workout, and I'm putting myself in bed by 9pm AT THE LATEST.
Yes, today was weird for me. The heavy, achy feeling started last night, and this morning I felt drugged. There was no way I was going to make it to work on time. I fell back asleep and entered Weird Dream Territory...it was a feverish two hours. It was also somewhat erotic-in that scary, confusing way. Yeah. I'm complicated. Ok, but really, the irrational what-if-I'm-pregnant thoughts started to enter my mind. Not because i had any real symptoms, but because I felt so different emotionally. Fairly-very healthy people DO that when they don't feel perfectly fair/very. It's annoying. My boobs hurt and I wanted to cry often, but other than that...I SHOULDN'T be pregnant.
So, I did what any normal gal would do...I stopped at good ole CVS before heading to work and then took a pregnancy test in my company's bathroom. One erect line says NO! I then wrapped so much toilet paper around the used sigh-of-relief (I laughed a little, too, which is probably what made another female scurry so quickly) I almost couldn't fit it into the feminine box. I did though, and I'm grateful that my "box" is still just mine for the time being. Someday I will allow that massive change, but not now.
SO, this leads me to wanting to make a list. I love lists, especially dashed or bullet pointed lists. The list will be "To Do B4..." the B4 is in reference to before baby and a shout out to texting. I will have the following categories; Home, Body, Career.
I will get on that later.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Can I take that back?
Yes, this is my third post in ONE DAY and it's been well over a month since my last post...
I'll just get right to it. When I was in college, I did an internship at a non-profit publishing press. It was Awesome.
I loved reading manuscripts, being around other people reading manuscripts, meeting people who wrote those manuscripts, and watching the process of a manuscript becoming a book that people could hold and love and pet.
It was Awesome.
Anyways, I still had a semester of college left after I completed the internship. A professor organized a gathering for students to ask me questions about the internship, and other professors attended (ugh, I'm starting to feel embarrassed). At one point during the Q&A, I made a comment about how I "never wanted to comprimise myself", and I certainly meant that, however, I think it came off sounding pompous. Well, it MUST have, because a professor that I really respected actually scoffed.
Scoffing is different than laughing. Scoffing is a noise that says, "Oh, f*cking NICE. NIIIICE". I realized it immediately, but I didn't retract, or try to rephrase, my comment.
I don't know what made that feeling come back, but it has again and again over the years.
So, yes, I never want to comprimise myself, BUT I am more (or was) than willing to work for my position in an organization like that particular publishing press. I think I might have sounded like I was saying, "I don't plan on doing any little piddly tasks, especially now that I'm HOT and RAD after working in the City"...
That scoff haunts me.
This should have been my very first post.
I'll just get right to it. When I was in college, I did an internship at a non-profit publishing press. It was Awesome.
I loved reading manuscripts, being around other people reading manuscripts, meeting people who wrote those manuscripts, and watching the process of a manuscript becoming a book that people could hold and love and pet.
It was Awesome.
Anyways, I still had a semester of college left after I completed the internship. A professor organized a gathering for students to ask me questions about the internship, and other professors attended (ugh, I'm starting to feel embarrassed). At one point during the Q&A, I made a comment about how I "never wanted to comprimise myself", and I certainly meant that, however, I think it came off sounding pompous. Well, it MUST have, because a professor that I really respected actually scoffed.
Scoffing is different than laughing. Scoffing is a noise that says, "Oh, f*cking NICE. NIIIICE". I realized it immediately, but I didn't retract, or try to rephrase, my comment.
I don't know what made that feeling come back, but it has again and again over the years.
So, yes, I never want to comprimise myself, BUT I am more (or was) than willing to work for my position in an organization like that particular publishing press. I think I might have sounded like I was saying, "I don't plan on doing any little piddly tasks, especially now that I'm HOT and RAD after working in the City"...
That scoff haunts me.
This should have been my very first post.
Sex in the shower is hot
This isn't a complaint, but I have discovered that steamy sex on a 90 degree day is very difficult. The only time I'm glad I'm light headed following sex is if I have orgasmed. I don't like almost fainting because of high humidity levels.
Perhaps this information is of use to you.
Good day.
Perhaps this information is of use to you.
Good day.
Ten Year Reunion
Tomorrow evening i have my class reunion. Ten years. I'm wondering if we are all thinking the same thing...
"Time goes so quickly"
"Have I really done anything in the past ten years??"
"I hope that fill-in-the-blank doesn't show up!"
"I hope that fill-in-the-blank DOES show up and they are exactly the same person!"
"I wonder if I'm thinner than her now..."
"I wonder if they ever went to rehab..."
"I hope everyone thinks I'm happy and successful."
These have been a few thoughts, and there are plenty more (some even snobbier than you could imagine, others just a bit sad, and others that would be considered typical of me).
All our lives we watch movies, shows, and read stories about Reunions. I don't feel nearly the amount of pressure that has been demonstrated in certain shows, but there's something...it's giddiness, but also nervousness. Maybe I'm nervous for the people who are nervous. I actually do not feel at all like it's a competition. I'm quite happy with my life, myself, and my expectations for myself. I don't think I'm much different from High School Girl, except for my hair. It's much darker and straighter.
I feel sad for those classmates who aren't going because they don't feel they've accomplished enough. Seriously? We have ALL f*cked up in some way since high school, some in the past, some currently, and some are on their way to more extreme f*ck ups. It's ok! That's exactly why we need to get together and see that we've survived! It's very encouraging to me, actually.
"Time goes so quickly"
"Have I really done anything in the past ten years??"
"I hope that fill-in-the-blank doesn't show up!"
"I hope that fill-in-the-blank DOES show up and they are exactly the same person!"
"I wonder if I'm thinner than her now..."
"I wonder if they ever went to rehab..."
"I hope everyone thinks I'm happy and successful."
These have been a few thoughts, and there are plenty more (some even snobbier than you could imagine, others just a bit sad, and others that would be considered typical of me).
All our lives we watch movies, shows, and read stories about Reunions. I don't feel nearly the amount of pressure that has been demonstrated in certain shows, but there's something...it's giddiness, but also nervousness. Maybe I'm nervous for the people who are nervous. I actually do not feel at all like it's a competition. I'm quite happy with my life, myself, and my expectations for myself. I don't think I'm much different from High School Girl, except for my hair. It's much darker and straighter.
I feel sad for those classmates who aren't going because they don't feel they've accomplished enough. Seriously? We have ALL f*cked up in some way since high school, some in the past, some currently, and some are on their way to more extreme f*ck ups. It's ok! That's exactly why we need to get together and see that we've survived! It's very encouraging to me, actually.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Giddy
I'm going to Montreal tomorrow. This will be my first time out of the US of A. I like seeing new people, spending time with known people, and realizing that we are all just People.
I also like to eat when on vacation. Yum.
The sun is out, it's in the 70s, my hair looks good today (it really does!), and I'm about to leave work for a week!!!
I also like to eat when on vacation. Yum.
The sun is out, it's in the 70s, my hair looks good today (it really does!), and I'm about to leave work for a week!!!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The Younger One
Today, on my ride into work, I rode past three kids who were wating for their bus. I heard the older of the three yell "Stinky? Stinky? Come on, Stinky!" I looked over, even though I knew it wasn't directed at me (credit would need to be given to the kid had he voiced such a blatantly accurate observation), and saw the youngest kid slinking away.
I looked away as fast as I could so he wouldn't think I was going to carrying the story with me all the way into work and then blog about it.
I looked away as fast as I could so he wouldn't think I was going to carrying the story with me all the way into work and then blog about it.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Ten Things I am Ok with
1. a can of Diet Coke a day (or even two)
2. the decision to smoke weed again (im not the self medicating teen from years ago:))
3. nudity
4. dirty dishes in the sink
5. crying
6. being unsure about god
7. questions about having kids
8. wearing jeans many times before washing them
9. leftovers
10. skinny jeans
2. the decision to smoke weed again (im not the self medicating teen from years ago:))
3. nudity
4. dirty dishes in the sink
5. crying
6. being unsure about god
7. questions about having kids
8. wearing jeans many times before washing them
9. leftovers
10. skinny jeans
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Spring brings Truth
walking in sunshine and padding beneath
our feet
we want to talk about what is real not
necessarily good but at least
real
the air doesn't hurt to breath in and we choose to not
wear layers of material and we choose
we try
to remove the others
our feet
we want to talk about what is real not
necessarily good but at least
real
the air doesn't hurt to breath in and we choose to not
wear layers of material and we choose
we try
to remove the others
Friday, January 4, 2008
Aggie
A week ago today my aunt Aggie died. It was a complete shock to everyone; she was only 68, very healthy, and I had just seen her a couple weeks earlier. My parents and some other family saw her the night before she died. Of course, this is what you do, we all had to go over the "last time we saw her". Had I not seen her so recently, I'd still be shocked by her death. She had a heart attack, but hadn't known she had any heart problems.
Aggie lived at a retreat center/farm in MN where she did massage, energy healing, and was a nun. Her wake was Wednesday evening and I enjoyed looking at the pictures of her working in Nicaragua, Venezuela, and at the retreat center. She had a deep, profound connection to the earth and to people. She was an activist, a feminist, and a positive picture of Catholicism. She truly served people with humility, humor, and respect.
I was telling a friend about her after the wake and something that I realized was how comforted I felt by her being so spiritually grounded. Aggie, being who she was, wouldn't have viewed her death as being unfair. She probably thought "Oh, now? Really? Alright then, let's get going...". I might just want to believe this for my own benefit, but I really feel she will move on to the next mission in her life with ease.
Aggie lived at a retreat center/farm in MN where she did massage, energy healing, and was a nun. Her wake was Wednesday evening and I enjoyed looking at the pictures of her working in Nicaragua, Venezuela, and at the retreat center. She had a deep, profound connection to the earth and to people. She was an activist, a feminist, and a positive picture of Catholicism. She truly served people with humility, humor, and respect.
I was telling a friend about her after the wake and something that I realized was how comforted I felt by her being so spiritually grounded. Aggie, being who she was, wouldn't have viewed her death as being unfair. She probably thought "Oh, now? Really? Alright then, let's get going...". I might just want to believe this for my own benefit, but I really feel she will move on to the next mission in her life with ease.
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