This Week

The work week has been incredibly busy for me. I've been covering for a co-worker who is out on vacation, along with doing my regular job. Luckily, my regular job isn't too busy stressful this time of year, so I really haven't had many problems handling the work load.

My mom is in Ironwood, MI right now trying to help her mother die peacefully. I mean, she is making sure she's comfortable, has her oxygen tank, eats at least something (she likes warm liquid lime jello), and she is trying to make her sister, who has been the primary caregiver, eat something besides lettuce and cottage cheese. It's a weird, sick house, and I feel lucky to not have to be there, but full of guilt for not wanting to be there. I hope that when I am dying no one feels guilty. I really hope that when it happens, it won't be a long period of sadness and waiting, and the mourning itself is full and plenty, so that my loved ones can move on. I don't want to be forgotten, but I don't want to be the reason that holds anyone back from living. My perspective on dying isn't completely clear to me, but I think I feel like the afterlife will be a great gathering place. I mean, I love life, but I hope EVERYONE can love their afterlife. I believe everyone has regular, healthy BM's in the afterlife, and the poo just disappears.
In all seriousness, I love my gramma, and I really have been praying for her to have a peaceful death, and soon. There is no point in her suffering for one more moment.
A couple days ago, my brother was arrested outside the house of a meth dealer. He was only found with a pipe, but was handcuffed outside the house for two hours...this house is located on a busier street in my small home town. I would have preferred him to be caught with more so that he would go to jail and be out of my parent's home. I can't remember when I started to wish for things like that, but I never thought I'd be that person. I don't feel too bad about it though. I'm sick of him hurting my parents, my family, and himself. I don't want him to hurt anyone else, and I know that for him to stop something BIG needs/will to happen. That terrifies me. Him hurting someone else, someone innocent, is worse, in my opinion, than him hurting himself. Should I say I feel heartless? Probably. But I don't. I just know that regret runs deep, and he already has enough he needs to work through (not that he's started).

Like I said, it's been a busy week, and I need to keep working.