My bathroom is always clean enough

If I don't start now, I don't when I would start. I'm talking about living in the actual day that surrounds me. The day I'm actually in, presently, currently, NOW.
I'm a planner, an obsess-er, a recovering neat freak, and I'm anxious.
I am working on all these things. I try to not plan out the entire weekend, try not to have a list that includes "shower" or "time with vibrator", because, really...how climatic is THAT? Since graduating from college for the second time, I've become better about preoccupations and handling anxieties. Much better. I used to sleepwalk like Fred Flinstone, and was just about as "clubby". I think I was probably considered pretty normal, for a student. It's terribly stressful being a student, working, and having a life besides. The Clean Freak in me has had to be restrained. I have to not let myself clean the bathrooms more than twice a month. They really don't need it. I've gotten good at, and it certainly does take a load off, ignoring (ok, it's actually the most acutely aware ignorance you'll ever come across) the floor having a bit of that "sandy" feeling. I feel pride in my ability (when I can do it) to focus on something more important, like people, or a good book, or my dog.
It's all about control, and we all have ways of dealing with lack of control. When I was 13 and my mom was very ill, I'd sweep the kitchen floor about 15 times a day. It was never clean enough and I would have tears in my eyes over this impossibility. Well, that coping mechanism eventually blossomed into self medication and la dee da....I'm better now.
Back to my main point; I feel like I still have this contingency plan in my head "If this is done, then this will happen" or "When that part of life is over, then I will begin to work on that". I could do that forever! I'm at a super great place in my life, and I still have this part of me that feels unfinished, like the list has a few more items, and those items are stopping me from really enjoying these beautiful days. Does everyone think that way?

Today is great. Today I'm going to be with some friends I love to pieces. We are challenging our bodies on this grand 4th of July day, and sweating with friends is a blessing. It will be an interesting day, because some extra friends are coming along and they are...not always tolerable. It's ok though. They have their own challenges ahead. Maybe they are working on being less exhausting to other people, while I'm trying to not feel exhausted with my own thoughts. We will all get there.

God Bless America.