Laughter

I have taken on my dad's ability to laugh nervously through tragic situations. He took a stern tone with me last night on the phone beause he thought I was scoffing at his prayer methods. You see, I have had it. I have had it with my brother being abusive and my dad's way of dealing with it is praying instead of kicking the rotten, low life out on his ass. I've had it with watching my dad sit in this fog of "I need to change him, I need to change him" after he's spit on my sister, punched a hole in the wall, and then goes outside to shoot his gun. I've had it. I'm done.

This weekend I am going home for my cousin's wedding. I'm a reader in this wedding (that's side info). Dad will be proud because I've been praying to my goddess that I will not have to read that subserviant wife reading that every Catholic wedding has to have. I will laugh out freakin' loud. What comes along with going home is having to decide whether or not I will actually Go Home, or if I will stay somewhere else. I've decided to stay with my sister at her place, but I will Go Home at some point to see my parents. My mom has told me that she's sure my brother won't be around if I'm there because "he doesn't like you". My chest puffed out immediately.

I'm just a bit of a wreck, but I've found myself laughing almost more than usual. It's not completely ungenuine either, it just doesn't sound like me. I have been hearing myself laugh and then wondering what was so funny. But it works. Nervous or not, it helps to hear yourself laugh.

Now I will end with a prayer; Please, God, Mother Earth, whoever is listening and can be most efficient, please let my brother get caught while transporting drugs. This way, we are pretty much guaranteed a good five years of not having to wonder if he'll spit on my sister again, and my parents can restore all the plaster in their walls. That would be nice. Also, thanks for giving me many things to laugh at. I truly appreciate it.