To Introduce or Not

I don't want to start with some silly introduction, but I always journal that way. It drives me nuts, but it's the writer in me. Introduce, then produce. I completely just made that up. I'm so happy it rhymes.

I want to start this blog because I feel I will better keep up with my writing, or, to some degree, start writing again. I also, like many others, need an outlet for the negative, positive, and neutral energy that seems to whip around me at times. Lately, I have been trying to peacefully compromise my worlds, and it doesn't feel like it's working too well. I am hoping this could be a solution of sorts, or maybe I will just enjoy it enough that my worlds can continue colliding until they learn to just get along. I won't tell you my name, but I am sometimes passive, sometimes aggressive, and I do sometimes just wish for things to take care of themselves.

I forced myself to write in my pen and paper journal today. You know how ridiculous that can be...I'm hungry, I need to make some food and then eat it, now I need water because my chai is all watered down from the melted ice and it tastes like REALLY skim milk. Pee. Now I need to pee, and while I pee, I'll make a To Do list for tomorrow. Does that count as journaling? But I finally settled in for about twenty minutes and wrote a very honest entry about my emotional state, my family, and how my family affects said emotional state. It was helpful.

I have a fairly big, at-first-glance-from-the-outside normal family. Unfortunately, drug addiction has been in-and-out for many years, and just recently, it really seemed like we needed to Stop It. We had a half-ass intervention, but it was the first ever and it felt Big Ass at the time. Big Ass and heart breaking and rage inducing. I have felt too much anger in the past month, especially for someone who enjoys the idea of Peace and Hope.
I was Hoping to kick some a** after the family session, but instead we all ate some meat-filled dinner together, because good families eat meat together.
Believe me, I am no longer struggling with the reality of an imperfect family (that is so 90's). It doesn't exist. Who would want it to, really? I think we all just want to be happy and know our loved ones are happy as well. We all just want ANY relationship to feel Happy. I am actually very happy, but that's because I'm used to having this inner struggle. Having a family meeting was very uncomfortable, but it was finally something real and proactive, and about f*cking time, I might add.
Also, I did comment on the amount of anger I've been feeling, but I don't wish that anger away, just as long as I channel it productively. That anger kept me from crying during the family thing, which was good because I needed to be able to talk. It has helped me relate to other people's struggles and recognize the need to find an outlet (and I'm glad that people trust me in that way). It has also created a sometimes-wicked sense of humor. Laughing feels so good.

Yes, ok, that's all I want to say about that for now.

My wish for people today is to enjoy a deeper belly breath and SMILE upon the exhale.