Spring brings Truth

walking in sunshine and padding beneath
our feet
we want to talk about what is real not
necessarily good but at least
real

the air doesn't hurt to breath in and we choose to not
wear layers of material and we choose
we try
to remove the others

Aggie

A week ago today my aunt Aggie died. It was a complete shock to everyone; she was only 68, very healthy, and I had just seen her a couple weeks earlier. My parents and some other family saw her the night before she died. Of course, this is what you do, we all had to go over the "last time we saw her". Had I not seen her so recently, I'd still be shocked by her death. She had a heart attack, but hadn't known she had any heart problems.

Aggie lived at a retreat center/farm in MN where she did massage, energy healing, and was a nun. Her wake was Wednesday evening and I enjoyed looking at the pictures of her working in Nicaragua, Venezuela, and at the retreat center. She had a deep, profound connection to the earth and to people. She was an activist, a feminist, and a positive picture of Catholicism. She truly served people with humility, humor, and respect.

I was telling a friend about her after the wake and something that I realized was how comforted I felt by her being so spiritually grounded. Aggie, being who she was, wouldn't have viewed her death as being unfair. She probably thought "Oh, now? Really? Alright then, let's get going...". I might just want to believe this for my own benefit, but I really feel she will move on to the next mission in her life with ease.

Rambling Through

I visited my acupuncturist last Saturday and she, basically, cleared up my cold. Now, I know better than to claim that acupuncture is a "miracle", although it has seemed that way at times. I have found that it helps minimize the duration of illnesses and strengthens my immune system. Today the cold has made it's way to the chest, which means it will (if the pattern holds true) leave me soon.
It's always a good reminder to me-plenty of sleep, avoid excessive amounts of sugar (I'm detoxing today-detox was supposed to start yesterday, but I gave in to some so-so sugar cookies), exercise, and patience with self.

This is a complete jump in topic...I have been wondering, as I have in the past, where my life mate and I would be if we hadn't purchased a home when we did. Would I still be working the job I have? Would I have completed the massage program at school? Would we still reside in our current geographic location? Would I have nurtured my creative side more? During times of financial struggle, I have blamed our mortgage on my lack of creative energy. Being Stuck. Worrying about the dollar amount. As I put that in words in front of my face I realize that it might create added stress, but it's always ME who allows these obstacles.
Still...sometimes I wish we just didn't have the responsibility, that we could get out of a lease and move somewhere else.
Then I remember how I really love where I'm at. Why do I think about moving????

Family

I picked up my cousin from the train station last night at 10:30, then dropped her off at my aunt's house. The whole event took about an hour, and that's the longest I have ever talked to her before. She's 19, I'm 27. Her family grew up in another state, her mom is my dad's sister and my god mother. We, her mother and I, have never been really close either, in my opinion. I wonder if she ever thought so??
It was nice to talk to my cousin, she has grown up, I've grown up, and I realize the importance in maintaining those relationships. I certainly feel I've dropped the ball on a lot of familial relationships in the past few years, even friendships. Not purposely, of course, it's just that more and more time shoves itself in between visits, phone calls, and, I never thought it possible, emails.
I get to see most of my dad's family tomorrow at our Xmas gathering. It will be fun. Lots of people, noise, and food. I need them right now.

Skimpy List Mode

I used to wonder how bloggers could let days, weeks, months go by...

Things Going On:
-the plumber is starting work on our basement Monday morning. This will get the ball rolling on our Finish Basement Project. We will use the rest of our home equity to do this work, as well as buy a toilet, sink, shower, and some framing materials.
-My sister is still pregnant, still sick most days, but she's still making it.
-Work is busy. Busy. Busy. Busy.
-My co-workers are frowning at me (refer to above) for being online.
-I already have 12 clients booked for January!
-I need to buy High School Musical 2 for my niece. This is the ONLY gift I am buying from a place other than the co-op or second hand store. I am happy about this.
-I am wearing a skirt today, with tall, black boots. I feel cute, maybe even hot.

That is all for today.

Things I'm Thankful For, Things I'm Watchful For

We are spending the day with my family in my hometown. Actually, we eat dinner at a family-owned pub in a small town next my small hometown. We've been doing this since my grandpa died, making it easier on everyone. I appreciate the fact that no one has the pressure of hosting Thanksgiving dinner.
I don't want to be negative right now, but I feel like I have one of those "holiday headaches". There is so much expectation around family gatherings, eating, and getting time off from work. My favorite holidays are July 4th (because of the patriotic-themed T-shirts), January 1st (many people gathered in a small space makes me warm and cuddly), and Halloween (I like snack-sized Twix). There's a part of me that loves Christmas-it's a child-like love. I need to find that again and get over the cliche, obvious irritations. I need to cut those things out, because it IS possible. (note to self-it isn't Christmas yet-chill out).

I have much to be thankful for, and if I let myself go, I could really, truly cry over it.
-My sister has had a tremendously difficult pregnancy, but she's still a spitfire. I look forward to seeing her and her big, round belly.
-My nieces are magical, and I can't wait to see them again and hear all about Hairspray.
-I enjoy the car ride with Pete. Inevitably, I'll change the station to Xmas music (because I love it, even though I get sick of it), and he'll bitch, but we always have good conversations in the car.
-I enjoy eating
-My cousins are loud and kind of obnoxious. It's funny. I do not like one of my uncles very much, but I like to impersonate him after seeing him. Good material.
-My parents are great people, and life has aged them. I always feel a little sad when I say good-bye because I wish I could do more for them. I'm thankful they continue to be such good people.
-Rumor has it, my other younger sister (the not pregnant one) has been clean for some time now. I hope this continues. I will not bank on it, but I am thankful this might be the case.

I'm always, always, always slightly nervous to go home. It can be chaotic, and stressful, and it really shouldn't be. It's this way because some family members continue to make unwise decisions. However, I have some great siblings, parents, and, overall, it's ok. Definitely.

I thought I was going to have to work Friday and Saturday, but I don't have to now! This is wonderful news...I almost don't know what to do. Movies, walks, dog park, and a house project...yes.

I'm rambling and don't feel like saying much else.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Big Breakfast

We've had company at our house for the last five nights, so, being that this morning was the first morning without, I made myself a big breakfast. It was wonderful. Eggs with cheese and broccoli, bacon, toast, orange juice, and tea. It was worth being late for work.

I've been very busy with work, but also just thinking about work, my business, my family, my friends, and how I can make time for myself and everyone else. This is not a unique situation to be in, but there are times when I'm better at balancing it.

I took tomorrow off (weeks ago), despite the resentment my co-worker's are sending my way, and I plan on getting things organized and accomplished. Here is my list;

1. lift weights, walk the dog, walk alone
2. scrub shower
3. chiropractor appointment
4. get passport photo taken (remember birth certificate!)
5. phone call to clients
6. phone call to figure out if I really need to register my name as a business since it's my name (assumed name???)
7. fill out application for checking account for business, and figure out if I can do this without the IRS processing my sales and ID tax # (it takes two weeks and I just did it today online)
8. Target for water filter and 2008 planner
9. co-op for bananas, bread, and almonds
10. clean other bathroom (clean under sink-nasty)
11. pay bills
12. file receipts for taxes
13. I will take many breaks-because it's a day off!
14. make dinner for P and I (salmon from co-op, beans, rice)
15. As soon as P arrives home-work is done-play time starts (we are watching season 6 of Degrassi The Next Generation-it's awesome)
16. Be thankful for every moment of not being at real job

I'll start the day with a big breakfast again.