Health

I am a fairly-very healthy individual, in my opinion. I had to go into work late today because I was feeling Not Healthy. It wasn't anything serious or dramatic, but it reminded me how lucky I am. I have been slacking lately; not enough sleep, straying from my workouts, and even skipping an acupuncture appointment that was needed. Why? I don't know.
Anyways, I need to get back on track. I'm being kind to myself this evening and having an easy "movement" workout, and I'm putting myself in bed by 9pm AT THE LATEST.

Yes, today was weird for me. The heavy, achy feeling started last night, and this morning I felt drugged. There was no way I was going to make it to work on time. I fell back asleep and entered Weird Dream Territory...it was a feverish two hours. It was also somewhat erotic-in that scary, confusing way. Yeah. I'm complicated. Ok, but really, the irrational what-if-I'm-pregnant thoughts started to enter my mind. Not because i had any real symptoms, but because I felt so different emotionally. Fairly-very healthy people DO that when they don't feel perfectly fair/very. It's annoying. My boobs hurt and I wanted to cry often, but other than that...I SHOULDN'T be pregnant.
So, I did what any normal gal would do...I stopped at good ole CVS before heading to work and then took a pregnancy test in my company's bathroom. One erect line says NO! I then wrapped so much toilet paper around the used sigh-of-relief (I laughed a little, too, which is probably what made another female scurry so quickly) I almost couldn't fit it into the feminine box. I did though, and I'm grateful that my "box" is still just mine for the time being. Someday I will allow that massive change, but not now.
SO, this leads me to wanting to make a list. I love lists, especially dashed or bullet pointed lists. The list will be "To Do B4..." the B4 is in reference to before baby and a shout out to texting. I will have the following categories; Home, Body, Career.

I will get on that later.

Can I take that back?

Yes, this is my third post in ONE DAY and it's been well over a month since my last post...

I'll just get right to it. When I was in college, I did an internship at a non-profit publishing press. It was Awesome.
I loved reading manuscripts, being around other people reading manuscripts, meeting people who wrote those manuscripts, and watching the process of a manuscript becoming a book that people could hold and love and pet.
It was Awesome.

Anyways, I still had a semester of college left after I completed the internship. A professor organized a gathering for students to ask me questions about the internship, and other professors attended (ugh, I'm starting to feel embarrassed). At one point during the Q&A, I made a comment about how I "never wanted to comprimise myself", and I certainly meant that, however, I think it came off sounding pompous. Well, it MUST have, because a professor that I really respected actually scoffed.
Scoffing is different than laughing. Scoffing is a noise that says, "Oh, f*cking NICE. NIIIICE". I realized it immediately, but I didn't retract, or try to rephrase, my comment.
I don't know what made that feeling come back, but it has again and again over the years.

So, yes, I never want to comprimise myself, BUT I am more (or was) than willing to work for my position in an organization like that particular publishing press. I think I might have sounded like I was saying, "I don't plan on doing any little piddly tasks, especially now that I'm HOT and RAD after working in the City"...

That scoff haunts me.

This should have been my very first post.

Sex in the shower is hot

This isn't a complaint, but I have discovered that steamy sex on a 90 degree day is very difficult. The only time I'm glad I'm light headed following sex is if I have orgasmed. I don't like almost fainting because of high humidity levels.
Perhaps this information is of use to you.
Good day.

Ten Year Reunion

Tomorrow evening i have my class reunion. Ten years. I'm wondering if we are all thinking the same thing...
"Time goes so quickly"
"Have I really done anything in the past ten years??"
"I hope that fill-in-the-blank doesn't show up!"
"I hope that fill-in-the-blank DOES show up and they are exactly the same person!"
"I wonder if I'm thinner than her now..."
"I wonder if they ever went to rehab..."
"I hope everyone thinks I'm happy and successful."

These have been a few thoughts, and there are plenty more (some even snobbier than you could imagine, others just a bit sad, and others that would be considered typical of me).

All our lives we watch movies, shows, and read stories about Reunions. I don't feel nearly the amount of pressure that has been demonstrated in certain shows, but there's something...it's giddiness, but also nervousness. Maybe I'm nervous for the people who are nervous. I actually do not feel at all like it's a competition. I'm quite happy with my life, myself, and my expectations for myself. I don't think I'm much different from High School Girl, except for my hair. It's much darker and straighter.

I feel sad for those classmates who aren't going because they don't feel they've accomplished enough. Seriously? We have ALL f*cked up in some way since high school, some in the past, some currently, and some are on their way to more extreme f*ck ups. It's ok! That's exactly why we need to get together and see that we've survived! It's very encouraging to me, actually.

Giddy

I'm going to Montreal tomorrow. This will be my first time out of the US of A. I like seeing new people, spending time with known people, and realizing that we are all just People.

I also like to eat when on vacation. Yum.

The sun is out, it's in the 70s, my hair looks good today (it really does!), and I'm about to leave work for a week!!!

The Younger One

Today, on my ride into work, I rode past three kids who were wating for their bus. I heard the older of the three yell "Stinky? Stinky? Come on, Stinky!" I looked over, even though I knew it wasn't directed at me (credit would need to be given to the kid had he voiced such a blatantly accurate observation), and saw the youngest kid slinking away.
I looked away as fast as I could so he wouldn't think I was going to carrying the story with me all the way into work and then blog about it.

Ten Things I am Ok with

1. a can of Diet Coke a day (or even two)
2. the decision to smoke weed again (im not the self medicating teen from years ago:))
3. nudity
4. dirty dishes in the sink
5. crying
6. being unsure about god
7. questions about having kids
8. wearing jeans many times before washing them
9. leftovers
10. skinny jeans