Technically, it was a reflection off of someone else's cube shelf onto my cube shelf, but it was definitely the sun and it definitely made me smile. It made me happy enough to fetch a co-worker so I could show him, and, as it sometimes will do, the sun reflection gradually faded away as I pointed at it. That's ok. It did make a legitimate visit, no matter how brief.
I'm in a hopeful mood. There are some mighty big events on the horizon, but today has been good.
Good Things of Today
-opening story of the Sun
-Burt's Bees pomegranite shampoo (I could SUCK on my hair it smells so yummy)
-my pregnant sister's safe arrival to my house last night
-breakfast with my sister this morning
-my employment
-my friend's blog story about a student saying something nice about her. It's so true.
-green tea
-reflecting on a great client session from last night
-my husband telling us we will receive about $700 back after taxes, and that's after decreasing our 401K contributions to pay off some debt-it's working for us.
-being ok with this not being a very tidy list
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Today is the day
I am no longer going to feel guilty for being "unproductive". Here is my self psychoanalysis; I grew up on a farm, and if we weren't working when my dad was working, he would make you feel like you SHOULD be working. GUILT. Today, my friends, I am letting go of that guilt. I know I am, in most cases, a productive person. I get my shit DONE, and I work hard-most of the time.
Here are some of the things I used to (used to, as in minutes ago) view as unproductive:
-I can watch movie trailers for many, many minutes. I think I've even reached an hour in the past. It calms me. It's noncommittal. I like to think ahead, and, I guess, this is part of planning ahead.
-Making a list, and then re-making it. At least I'm thinking about what needs to happen and prioritizing.
-Stretching. Can you believe this one??? More than once I've felt like taking too much time to stretch is wasteful of my time. Gawd! I'm annoyed by this one.
-Making tea. Cutting fruit. Organizing the refrigerator. These are all things that calm me.
-Reading, especially while drinking tea.
Yes, becoming aware of some of these makes me feel sad. I have, in the past, felt irritated when my mom expressed guilt over not feeling like she could relax when my dad was busy working. I have even told her, "You do PLENTY. You deserve to have your tea and not feel lazy!" But I GET it! I'm letting (will work on letting) these go. I am no longer on the farm. And I really enjoy watching movie trailers. So, my friends, grab a cup of tea and check out Were the World Mine!
Here are some of the things I used to (used to, as in minutes ago) view as unproductive:
-I can watch movie trailers for many, many minutes. I think I've even reached an hour in the past. It calms me. It's noncommittal. I like to think ahead, and, I guess, this is part of planning ahead.
-Making a list, and then re-making it. At least I'm thinking about what needs to happen and prioritizing.
-Stretching. Can you believe this one??? More than once I've felt like taking too much time to stretch is wasteful of my time. Gawd! I'm annoyed by this one.
-Making tea. Cutting fruit. Organizing the refrigerator. These are all things that calm me.
-Reading, especially while drinking tea.
Yes, becoming aware of some of these makes me feel sad. I have, in the past, felt irritated when my mom expressed guilt over not feeling like she could relax when my dad was busy working. I have even told her, "You do PLENTY. You deserve to have your tea and not feel lazy!" But I GET it! I'm letting (will work on letting) these go. I am no longer on the farm. And I really enjoy watching movie trailers. So, my friends, grab a cup of tea and check out Were the World Mine!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Moving
I'm not a regular blogger. I fear, without even realizing it, that I will do it "wrong". Seriously, wtf? That sort of attitude annoys me more than makes me sad.
I had a terrific acupuncture appointment yesterday. Productive in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sense. After my acup needled me, she left the room, closed the door, and I instantly started crying. Not sobbing, but a very active weep. Within that weep, I entered some level of self forgiveness, self acceptance, and self evaluation. I NEED to do something. I NEED to make things happen. I have an idea as to what these things are, but I still need to swirl in them before sharing. The moment passed quickly-I mean, really quickly. I almost wanted to go BACK to it for longer, but I think that's all I needed for now. I think it's all I could handle. Like seeing Mary on toast. It was enough.
I have been carrying some boxes that need to be looked through.
After she returned, removed the needles, and had me turn over, we chatted while she did some cupping along my spine. There's nothing like the visual and actual energetic feel of removing something stagnate. I was able to take deep, healthy breaths again, but they were also new breaths. It's always new, isn't it?
My acupuncturist and I are good friends. We get into really great discussions about connections, and the terror, and sometimes, necessity of being disconnected. It's important to me, but not heavy. I never feel heavy when I leave there. I feel comforted and grounded, empowered, but not the hyper kind that fades shortly after. Something was moved, and I need to nourish that.
I had a terrific acupuncture appointment yesterday. Productive in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sense. After my acup needled me, she left the room, closed the door, and I instantly started crying. Not sobbing, but a very active weep. Within that weep, I entered some level of self forgiveness, self acceptance, and self evaluation. I NEED to do something. I NEED to make things happen. I have an idea as to what these things are, but I still need to swirl in them before sharing. The moment passed quickly-I mean, really quickly. I almost wanted to go BACK to it for longer, but I think that's all I needed for now. I think it's all I could handle. Like seeing Mary on toast. It was enough.
I have been carrying some boxes that need to be looked through.
After she returned, removed the needles, and had me turn over, we chatted while she did some cupping along my spine. There's nothing like the visual and actual energetic feel of removing something stagnate. I was able to take deep, healthy breaths again, but they were also new breaths. It's always new, isn't it?
My acupuncturist and I are good friends. We get into really great discussions about connections, and the terror, and sometimes, necessity of being disconnected. It's important to me, but not heavy. I never feel heavy when I leave there. I feel comforted and grounded, empowered, but not the hyper kind that fades shortly after. Something was moved, and I need to nourish that.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Surgery and my big plans while on Valium
I will be having an outpatient procedure tomorrow to "take care" of a varicose vein. The procedure begins with an "a", but I can't remember what it is. What I DO know is that they will be sticking a catheter into my vein below the varicose vein on my calf, and working their way up to the malfunctioning valve in my upper, inner thigh (pretty damn close to the groin), and, with a laser, burning the vein shut. I've had this v.v. for about 10 years, but it has grown significantly bigger in the past two years, and, in the past six months, has started to throb and itch when I work out. It IS unsightly, but I would have dealt with it (worn pants) had it not started to hurt. I had an ultrasound done and they discovered that it's a Malfunctioner. So. Tomorrow, 12:30pm, please pray that the Valium does enough so that I don't feel ANY of it. I have no need for the experience.
It actually sounds pretty simple and noninvasive. I will be out of it for the rest of the day, and have been advised to not work out for week-2 weeks. Oh! The best part? The SEXIEST part? I get to wear a (singular) thigh high compression sock on that leg for a week. I hope to be offered "black" as a color choice, and not just white or flesh. I also hope that it doesn't smell if I wear it two days in a row, because I don't want to buy more than one (or would they come in a pack since most people have two legs??). Yes, so I'm more concerned with fresh-smelling fashion than I am with the possible risks involved in having a laser in my contorted vein. I see this as progressive thinking.
The clinic where I will be gifted with this surgery has called a couple times to confirm insurance information and appointment time. After yesterday's call, I believe I will be known as the girl who wants as much valium as she can get without dying. Really, I don't want to feel ANY of this, and I've made it very clear that I have anxiety over the possibility. I can't help but envision my vein being probed...it's not a hollow noodle...and...I've never probed a hollow noodle. Look at how ridiculous I've become!?!
I do have some big plans for my days off (half of Friday and Sat-Sun). I have Factory Girl on DVD, and some other Netflix movies coming. I don't remember the last time I let myself watch more than one movie in a day, and I think it might be fun. I hope the valium doesn't make me barf, especially on my compression sock. That would ruin my whole weekend.
It actually sounds pretty simple and noninvasive. I will be out of it for the rest of the day, and have been advised to not work out for week-2 weeks. Oh! The best part? The SEXIEST part? I get to wear a (singular) thigh high compression sock on that leg for a week. I hope to be offered "black" as a color choice, and not just white or flesh. I also hope that it doesn't smell if I wear it two days in a row, because I don't want to buy more than one (or would they come in a pack since most people have two legs??). Yes, so I'm more concerned with fresh-smelling fashion than I am with the possible risks involved in having a laser in my contorted vein. I see this as progressive thinking.
The clinic where I will be gifted with this surgery has called a couple times to confirm insurance information and appointment time. After yesterday's call, I believe I will be known as the girl who wants as much valium as she can get without dying. Really, I don't want to feel ANY of this, and I've made it very clear that I have anxiety over the possibility. I can't help but envision my vein being probed...it's not a hollow noodle...and...I've never probed a hollow noodle. Look at how ridiculous I've become!?!
I do have some big plans for my days off (half of Friday and Sat-Sun). I have Factory Girl on DVD, and some other Netflix movies coming. I don't remember the last time I let myself watch more than one movie in a day, and I think it might be fun. I hope the valium doesn't make me barf, especially on my compression sock. That would ruin my whole weekend.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Spleen Qi Tonic
I feel confident (hopeful) that the tonic I purchased last night will help with this stomach thingy.
Why I like the Eastern approach to medicine:
-it just makes sense to talk about the whole person
-energy, energy, energy...what is it doing? Very interesting.
-I feel safe with it
-my acupuncturist is amazing
-I feel more responsible for myself and my health, and sometimes you need some extra confidence to feel that way
This Dash List seems very deviant for me, but it is Saturday.
I'm going out dancing this evening with some beautiful friends-good energy all around.
Why I like the Eastern approach to medicine:
-it just makes sense to talk about the whole person
-energy, energy, energy...what is it doing? Very interesting.
-I feel safe with it
-my acupuncturist is amazing
-I feel more responsible for myself and my health, and sometimes you need some extra confidence to feel that way
This Dash List seems very deviant for me, but it is Saturday.
I'm going out dancing this evening with some beautiful friends-good energy all around.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Stomach
No matter what I eat; carrots, a brownie, fish...moments later my stomach will swell. It actually looks like I'm pregnant. It's not gas, it doesn't hurt, it's just freaky. This is so annoying.
I have a few friends who have digestive issues, and I have always felt for them, but I guess this brings things to a new level of empathy.
I'm thinking back and I believe I've dealt with this-on and off-for many years...geez??? It's been particularly bad the past couple weeks.
Yeah, I need my acupuncturist and see what she thinks. I'd love to just deflate. I suppose I need to think about my ovaries, too...hmmm...
So, there it is.
I have a few friends who have digestive issues, and I have always felt for them, but I guess this brings things to a new level of empathy.
I'm thinking back and I believe I've dealt with this-on and off-for many years...geez??? It's been particularly bad the past couple weeks.
Yeah, I need my acupuncturist and see what she thinks. I'd love to just deflate. I suppose I need to think about my ovaries, too...hmmm...
So, there it is.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I'm a proofreader for c.sakes
"falls from the past"...or..does "past fall's" work? Do I need the "'s"?
"it's A job"
Gawd.
I went to the park, by myself, for lunch today and it was wonderful. The air was crisp, the sun high, and I felt at ease. It is all about the breath.
Work is busy and I've heard people swearing frequently. I am trying to not curse so much, unless I am certain it won't come across as trashy. I had a co-worker offer me a brownie the other day and her "reason" for baking was "I had the mix, I had the eggs, so I decided to just make the shit"... Oh, mmm, yum.
"it's A job"
Gawd.
I went to the park, by myself, for lunch today and it was wonderful. The air was crisp, the sun high, and I felt at ease. It is all about the breath.
Work is busy and I've heard people swearing frequently. I am trying to not curse so much, unless I am certain it won't come across as trashy. I had a co-worker offer me a brownie the other day and her "reason" for baking was "I had the mix, I had the eggs, so I decided to just make the shit"... Oh, mmm, yum.
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